A Struggling Christian.

I liken my relationship with God same as my relationship with my husband. At first, I couldn't get enough of him. We just want to spend time together as often and as long as possible. But as the years goes by, we can go a day without a phone call.

When I read my previous blog posts, I actually surprised by how well I wrote those. I sounded like a more mature Christian than I am now. It seems to me that I am growing to be an immature Christian.

I don't get visions anymore, I don't have any spiritual experience and manifestations anymore. There was one period when I doubted whether the Holy Spirit is still with me. I begin to doubt whether I am still the "chosen", the "blessed" one.

I can't feel God anymore.....

When I think back, I realised that I don't long for God as intense as I used to. Last year, I want God so much that I could feel my soul, my whole body really Longing for more of Jesus. I just wanted to pray and read the Bible ALL THE TIME. I am not in any way exaggerating.

Now... I just wanted to slack on my bed, watching Korean drama series or shopping on my phone... Ah Haa! Now it is apparent why I don't "feel" God. It is not that God is "not with me", it is I who is not with God.

So how do I re-light that fire again? Only by praying. I can't force myself to be into God. I can force myself to read the Bible and pray. But personally for me, what I really want is to be INTO God. I want to want God. I want to be zealous for God like how I used to. Because when I long for God, reading the Bible, meditating on it and praying, will be an automatic responses.

"I urge you in the sight of God who gives life to all things, and before Christ Jesus who witnessed the good confession before Pontius Pilate, that you keep this commandment without spot, blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ’s appearing,"
~ I Timothy 6:13‭-‬14 NKJV ~

" But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them,  and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus."
~ II Timothy 3:14‭-‬15 NKJV ~

But for now, the fire for God is not instantly felt... I don't think God is going to zap me the second time. All of us are born once in the Spirit and grow from there. So what I can do now is to continue to walk according to what I have learned and been assured of. Basically, continue to be obedient to God. Walk with God. Keep His commandments. If I don't learn anything new from God because I am not wanting God now, the least I can do is to do what I have learned.

It is more important to do something about what you already know, than busy searching for new knowledge. I realised that there is no point for me to be searching for new knowledge from God if I am not carrying out what He has taught me thus far.

Continue to love the people around me.
Do my daily devotional and prayers.

Let's pray:
Thank you Lord for always being there for me. Thank you for always being patient and loving towards me. Even though I am rebellious towards you, but you faithfully guiding me and reminding me of Your commandments. I pray Lord that You re-light the fire in my heart. Enable me to love You deeper than the first year I met You.
In Jesus name I pray. Amen!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I don't want to be excited for Heaven

  I don't want to look forward to Jesus's Second Coming so that I can finally enter the New Heaven and Earth. I think if I have that mindset, I have missed the point of becoming a Christian.  Today as I was praying, I told God that I want to be excited for Heaven because I can finally be with God and be with Jesus! Not because I can stay in Heaven. I want to be excited because I can be in God's presence for eternity. But.. then I think.. what does it mean and what does it look like, living with God literally and physically? And how is it different from now? Yes God is not physically with us, but God is with us, God will help us when we need Him, God answer our prayers, God do miraculous things on earth, God speaks to us. Other than being physically with Him, what are we looking forward to, in Heaven? I don't have the answer to that. That is why I cannot get myself excited to go to Heaven to be with God. Because I am with Him now. But I want to be excited for Heaven .. S...
Read more

The Signs of the End Time as in the Days of Noah

 'But as the days of Noah were, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be. For as in the days before the flood, they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noah entered the ark, and did not know until the flood came and took them all away, so also will the coming of the Son of Man be. ' Matthew 24:37-39 https://www.bible.com/bible/114/MAT.24.37-39 God has given us clue as to what it would look like when the end is coming.  Humans would be doing all kinds of evil and living a godless lives. 'Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. ' (Genesis 6:5) The people back then were doing what their heart desired up to the day of the flood. I would imagine that the boat is humongous and Noah was building it over a long period of time, there was no way that other people did not see what Noah was doing. And I am pretty sure people would ...
Read more

A Leader's Reflection

 We are all equal Some might do "bigger" things, some "smaller" things, but bottom line is that no one is greater or smaller in God's eyes. We are all equal.  This is my first reflection write-up. I want to do this to journal what I learnt from the Lord and my fellow brothers and sisters-in Christ. Recently, there is an incident that happened in my cell group. So many things I want to say, but today I want to write my personal reflection based on the incident. So, when the incident happened, I took it upon myself that I had to solve this issue. It did not cross my mind to rally others to help. Because I afraid to put this burden unto unwilling individuals. However, without me asking, there are many of the cell members who immediately reached out to the affected members to offer emotional support. I was so humbled because I always thought that my cell members are all busy people that only have time for their family and work. But it turned out that they are so rea...
Read more